Ironic Business Names
This is a list that my Mom and Dad started collecting when I was a kid. Those without places come from a paper copy I started writing down at some point in my teens.
- Stubbs Prosthetics and Orthotics
(Found online, sent to me by Jake)
- Castle Demolition
(New York, NY. Now hiring for the revolution?)
- Jesus is Lord and Savior Computer Diagnostics
(Route 90, Western NY. No else can tell what the hell those computers are up to. Thanks, Chris!)
- T & A Earthworks
(Central Pennsylvania, near Orangeville. And you thought crop circles were titillating.)
- Soma Physical Therapy
(Capital Region, NY. You'll feel so good. All your worries will go away...)
- S & M Automotive
(NJ. As my mother said: kinky stuff with spark plugs?)
- Steven Corn Furs
(NJ. For vegetarians? I always thought corn was more silky than furry myself.)
- Boopsie's Hooker (a tow truck)
(a few decades ago on Morton Avenue in Albany, NY, as reported by Jake Bryan)
- Sham Candy & Grocery
(Albany, NY. There is also a Sham Laundry and Sham Gifts.)
- Lowe Roofing
(Northern NJ. For short people?)
- Reformed Church Home
(Route 35, Jersey Shore. Perhaps the Boston Diocese should inquire about vacancies.)
- GOD (Guaranteed Overnight Delivery 1-800-DIAL-GOD.)
(An East Coast phenomenon it seems, since it seems to have been new to some visiting West Coast friends, who were highly amused. Should have been up here a long time ago, though it is certainly in the "they did that on purpose" category. Thanks Quinn!)
- Frivolous Cottage
(Stuyvesant Plaza, Guilderland, NY. A store of frivolous knick-knacky stuff. This doesn't entirely count, because it was clearly intentional. But it was also clearly intended with a healthy sense of irony, and that tickles me.)
- Sylvester and Forget Moving Company
(Seen on a truck on I-87 in New York state.)
- Ban Produce, Inc.
(Anti-nutrition campaigners? Broome Street, New York City)
- Dr. Glenn Boring, Dentist
(From a reader in St. Pete, Florida. It could mean you go to sleep in the chair; it could mean he's a little happy with the drill. Do you want to take that chance?)
- Bogus Oil Company
(As my mother, who spotted this on an oil truck, said, is this how we reduce our dependence on foreign oil?)
- Washington Inventory Inc., a Huffy Company
(If only all huffy companies would be so up front about it. Union, NJ)
- Hopping Funeral Home
(This calls too many different distressing images to mind to choose from. Orange-Montclair area, NJ)
- Day Mortuary
(Bloomington, IN, from Robin, who says it must be where vampires leave their kids during daylight.)
- Orange Quarry
(And you thought they grew on trees. Orange-Montclair area, NJ)
- Citrus Recycling
(We could stop mining oranges if we would just make new ones out of the peels.)
- Scenic Auto Parts
(OK. It is in Scenic, NJ. Some excuse. But wait, it gets worse...)
- Scenic Paving
(Spotted on a truck side by my mother. This just seems like the horrific logical conclusion of the practice of naming developments after what was destroyed to put them there.)
- Independent Intermediaries Inc.
(That's the danger of a marketing degree, boys and girls. Also from Robin. HQ'ed in Texas.)
- Curly Stone Company
(Sole suppliers of those bits that go on the top of fancy marble columns.)
- Flood Realtors
- Grumbling Motors
- Faith Construction
(This is actually a construction company, and not a church. Texas.)
- Laite Construction
(Maine. Do you think they spell it every time they say it over the phone?)
- Greg Harms Construction
(What is it with construction companies?)
- Aggressive Door Co.
(Is this where the phrase "Don't the let the door hit your butt on the way out" came from?)
- Morristown Beard School
(You always said your beard had a mind of its own. Morristown, NJ)
